Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
