ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My life is pants optional.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
