Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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