I just saw a hot homeless man
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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