i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
