Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
