Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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