Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
