thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
