i may or may not be watching the land before time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
