I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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