The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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