Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
