omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
