My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The power of my boobs compel you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
