Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
