oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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