At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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