it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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