My room smells like vodka and shame
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
