Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
