i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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