im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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