that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
