and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
