He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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