we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
