you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
