What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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