I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
