she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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