I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
