we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
