haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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