He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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