I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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