Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize