So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
