the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
