Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how does that bad decision feel?
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