im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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