I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
