thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
