Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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