I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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