between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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