dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
