When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
