On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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