Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
