just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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