i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
