Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
