what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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