Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
