I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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