I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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