I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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