Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
