Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
