can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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