can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
