It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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