Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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