im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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