I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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