I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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