I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
