i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
