I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
