I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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