im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
