girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sobbing to NWA
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
