This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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