I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
