I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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