im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
