what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
