So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
