Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
