you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
then he tried to convert me to islam
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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