so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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