Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
