When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
