i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
