I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
