Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
