My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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