I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
