That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
