Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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