your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
