I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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