i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
