That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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