it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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