I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize