are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
