My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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