please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
