Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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