I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
