I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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