Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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