I just saw a hot homeless man
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You ruined the universe
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
