she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We have so much sex to catch up on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
