Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
