OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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