I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
