I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
