I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
