i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
