i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
